Devan

Since I can remember, I never felt clear on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. How was I supposed to make such a big decision at eighteen? Also, why do we put so much pressure on teens to have it all figured out by a certain time? My confusion came from a place of having no identifiable passions. I’m the kind of person who likes just a little bit of everything. I have friends who knew exactly what they wanted to do from the beginning, and years ago that brought me a lot of envy and shame. I went to college anyway and received a bachelor’s degree, but I vividly remember walking across the stage thinking, this isn’t it. My gut was telling me something, and at the time I didn’t know what it was saying. How could this be? I quickly got into the workforce, and the confusion only got worse. I worked really hard and did what I was supposed to. How did I get here? I got a decent job that provided comfort and stability, but I knew deep down I had a desire to go back to school. I knew I wanted to go back, I just didn’t know what I’d go back for. My first couple years in the workforce provided me with an opportunity to simply work and get to know myself more. Looking back, that time was valuable. I grew up. I went through an incredibly difficult time during freshman and sophomore year of college, and my mental health suffered. I needed time to heal and just exist. This ended up taking years.

I realized that I like helping others. I realized that being in sales didn’t suit me at all. I realized what income bracket I’d be happy in. I don’t think we truly know this until we get out into the real world and start paying our own bills. I realized I wanted growth opportunity and flexibility. For about a year, I went back and forth thinking about nursing. My nerves would rise thinking about starting all over again. I was making decent money, especially for a new grad. Dean and I just bought a house. I was able to contribute 15% a month to my retirement account. I could get gas and groceries without checking my account balance. We were able to take amazing trips and put plenty of gifts underneath our Christmas tree. In a way, I felt this horrible guilt for wanting to go back to school. For years I battled shame for not doing things correctly the first time. I don’t know what happened, but one day I just decided to jump. I couldn’t shake the feeling any longer. I picked a nursing program that fit me the best. Because I have a bachelor’s degree already, I do not receive the financial help I did like the first time I went. So, I needed to pick a program that worked for us financially.

I studied for the TEAS in just a couple weeks. I would go to work, get home by five and study until midnight for seventeen days straight. I cared and appreciated my education more than ever. It just felt right. It was different this time. I took the TEAS test, and when I got my score back I remember closing my laptop with tears in my eyes because I was so happy with my score. It was the score I needed. I worked so hard to get in. For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself. Now more than ever, college classrooms are filling up with students who aren’t the “traditional” 18 to 22 year-olds. There is no “perfect” timeline. There are signs, however, that may tell you it is time to go back. The first sign is, you actually know what you want. You took time to figure out what it is you wish to study and accomplish. If you are like me, you weren’t born with a calling, and you’ve had to simply work and make several wrong decisions to get there. If you are confident you can pay for it, and you are willing to make sacrifices to do so, it might be the right time for you. By looking into school costs, job placement, and roughly what income level your education will put you in upon graduation, you will gain a better idea of what life will look like moving forward. If the pathway you desire to take is lower-earning, look into more affordable programs. Community college is a fantastic way to obtain college credits without going into massive debt. Colleges are finally offering more programs for nontraditional students, such as online or weekend programs.

I write this because making the decision to go back to school is a major life change. I put an end to the inner dialogue that said I couldn’t and shouldn’t do it. Why didn’t I do this the first time around? How did all your friends just know what they wanted to do? You are going to be so behind, should you really do this? Why can’t you just be content? I don’t think any job is going to bring me intense joy all the time, but I do believe career satisfaction is possible. I knew we would have to make sacrifices. I encourage anyone who feels the way that I did to get serious about it, and follow that gut feeling. Sure, it comes with a lot of risks, but I think not listening to our inner voice is the biggest risk of them all.